I was born 10 years after my next older sibling – an after-thought, I guess you could say. My placement in the family meant I was mostly alone with no one to protect me. My father took advantage of that vulnerability. At five years old, my nap times turned into nightmares as I endured having sex with the man I knew as Daddy. In that way that people who have been victimized are recognizable to other predators, I became prey to other men in my family and community. Though I didn’t know it at the time, I developed dissociative identity disorder to deal with the trauma of everyday life and coped pretty well until my mid-thirties. Then I began treatment that would turn my world upside down as I had to look at truths that I had hidden away. I started cutting to deal with the emotional agony I experienced. After a suicide attempt that was very nearly successful, I decided that since I didn’t die, I had to figure out how to live, really live. What followed was a lot of hard work with excellent therapists that led to healing. I hope to share some of my insights here.
I plan to post twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays. I look forward to beginning a dialog of hope with you.
Jessica B. Miller